Parental Alienation Is Like A Spider Web – It Begins In The Center With The Alienating Parent And Continues To Spiral Outward Into An Intricate Woven And Detailed Web – It’s Amazing Who Will Get Caught In It.

There is an old saying ''Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.''  This saying goes hand and hand with my experiences with my ex-wife and her Parental Alienation Campaign.  The story begins with my ex at the center weaving her web of Parental Alienation. 

This story is from my experiences.  I am not an expert on Parental Alienation.  I am a dad that has been affected by Parental Alienation.  I am telling this story so that if you are facing divorce, you can hopefully learn by my experiences or if you have gone through divorce with a similar experience, you can realize how complex the issue is. 

First let me say that in my opinion any woman who would fight to keep her children from their father (Unless there are good compelling reasons such as abuse, etc) is not thinking of her children but herself only.  The sad thing is that we live in a society that condones this type of behavior.  Compound this by living in a small town in NH the Spider Web will spin out of control. 

In my case, the web began to spin when we first started getting serious with our relationship.  I remember a camping trip that we were on with some other people.  My ex ran off into the woods and sat down in a remote area crying.  When I asked her what was wrong, she blamed me for not being sensitive to her needs.  Now in most relationships this issue comes up.  However people don’t run off into the woods and isolate themselves from everyone.  Looking back, my ex did this to punish me.  If my ex had been mature, she would have pulled me aside and spoke with me.  Not run off into the woods throwing a tantrum.  If you see this type of behavior, be aware. 

The web continued to expand.  Shortly after the marriage
I recall one night my ex was out of control.  She was mad and yelling her demands to me.  Standing up to me and getting in my face.  In an effort to diffuse the situation, I told my ex that I was going out for a few hours and would be back when she cooled off.  I went out and got a cup of coffee and sat in my vehicle watching the stars in a remote area just a half a mile from the house thinking it would give my ex time to cool off.  When I got home, my ex was even more miserable to me.  She was so nasty that after the scene she put up, I decided that in the future if I was at odds with my ex, I would just stay in the house and take it because I feared the retaliation when I returned. 

I remember one time we were disagreeing about something.  My ex left the house in a huff.  She peeled out with our SUV when she left.  When she peeled out, she got mud all over the side of the house and basement door.  It was quite the mess.  As a matter of fact she did this several times.  I had several cracks and holes in the vinyl house siding, some fifteen to twenty feet up that I attribute to my ex peeling out. 

The web started getting increasingly larger when several years before our divorce, my ex-wife told me that she was not happy with her marriage and she gave me series of ultimatums for which she told me were to “Get me in line.”  Things like chose between your job and your family.  I’ll ruin you.  You won’t have a job (Mind you I worked in Law Enforcement which made it easy for her to target me).  You will never be able to see your kids again.  These are just the few. 

This is how bad it gets in regards to my work.  I had to work one evening.  My ex asked me since I was going to be home during the day if I could watch my youngest son.  I had a dentist appointment during the day and knew that I couldn’t watch a toddler and sit in a dentist chair at the same time.  I told her it would be best if our son went to the sitter since I would be tied up for a few hours at the dentist.  My dentist was a 45 minute drive from where I live.  Just moments before leaving for the dentist, I got a call from the dentist office telling me that the dentist was sick and they had to reschedule. 

I decided that this was a good opportunity to run to Staples to look for a new PDA since mine that was sitting on my desk miraculously broke (The screen was smashed by someone.  My suspicions were that my ex smashed it).  I relied on my PDA for work and really needed a replacement. 

I received a call from my ex on my cell phone while I was at Staples.  I was in line standing next to a chief of police in the area that I knew.  My ex began to yell at me and accuse me of being with a female friend of ours and having an affair with her.  I was so disturbed by this accusation, I called our friend who was at work and told her about this.  She was so disturbed that she didn’t go out to lunch that day or leave the building where she worked.  This was so that her timecard would reflect that she was at work all day and because our friend had also been having marital issues with her husband after my ex had told our friend’s husband that the two of us were having an affair.  Our friend even asked her boss to mark this day on her calendar so she could be a witness and told her boss why.  My ex as you can see tired to use every means to “Keep me in line.”  Can you imagine what this was doing to my relationships with my friends and family? 

The web again grows bigger.  About six months after the Staples incident, I requested State Police records on any contacts that they had involving my ex.  I was quite disturbed to find that the day I was at Staples, my ex called State Police on me after I had gone to work.  She asked the Trooper if there was anyway that she could legally get me out of the house.  When she told the Trooper that I wasn’t abusive, didn’t hit her or the kids and never made any threats, the Trooper told her there was nothing he could do to help her (It was apparent that she was trying to get a restraining order on me to throw me out of the house).  She ended by telling the Trooper that an attorney told her the same thing.  This call was made by my ex while we were going through marriage counseling. The same counseling that I agreed to partake in at request of my ex who was “trying to work on her marriage.”   Now the police community was becoming part of the web.  The same police community in which I had to work in.    

Numerous times I tried to get my ex help.  Even in the beginning of our marriage.  She refused.  She denied having any problems and blamed me for everything.  Now I have no issues taking responsibility for my actions but when you have someone that has problems and they refuse to get treatment, there is not much you can do.  Quite often people that have issues try to make others out to be the problem.  Read the book “People of The Lie and you will understand why people do this.  

The web my ex was weaving started to include her family.  She would say things to her parents and siblings about me and my work.  I would get pulled aside at family functions or get phone calls out of the blue from her family members who liked to act as counselors.  At first I didn’t know where it was coming from but it didn’t take too long for me to catch on. 

The next part of weaving the web was my family.  I will never forget my sister pulling me aside out of the clear blue and telling me that I should buy flowers for my ex and that I needed to pay more attention to her needs.  This was around the time my brother had been calling me out of the blue and finally told me that the reason why he was calling me was that my ex repeatedly called him and told him that she believed that I had a “Chemical Imbalance.  When my ex was told by my brother that there was nothing wrong with me, she stopped calling him.  However, her repeatedly contacting my family telling them that I had a “Chemical Imbalance” inflicted the damage and this began to put a strain my relationship with my sister and my mother. 

The web spun out of control when my ex began to contact my friends and tell them that I was having issues and had a “Chemical Imbalance.”  I was getting weird calls from some of my friends all concerned about me. 

My ex continued the spinning of her web which was now was encompassing my boss, the Chief of Police in the town I worked in.  My ex wanted to meet my boss at his house so she could discuss concerns she had about me.  My boss declined to meet with her because he knew the situation. 

Now the web continued to grow with people like the Cub Scout leaders and parents of the kids involved with scouts.  Anyone my ex came in contact with for any outside activities involving the kids, she used to her advantage to create a smear campaign and drag me through the mud. 

My ex works in a job where she comes in contact with lot of people in the county and state.  The Web expands as she drags these people in too. 

The daycare provider then gets dragged into the web.  I begin to have issues with how she is treating me. 

What about my ex’s friends.  They too become part of the web. 

The kid’s teachers and school then become part of the web.  My kid’s school and teachers become hostile towards me. 

State Police and Local Police become part of the Web.  As I stated above, my ex called State Police on me and she also contacted local police for use in her smear campaign.  Before I continue, I want to point out that I have a clean record.  I had never had anyone call the police on me for anything.  I have been through numerous background checks and have never had any issues of violence or domestic violence. 

Remember, a lot of what was happening, I was oblivious to.  For a long time I didn’t know this campaign was even going on.  I was literally sleeping with the enemy for years and didn’t know it. 

Now that the smear campaign was in its twelfth year (and the last two years the stakes had been upped) it made it easy for my ex to grow her web with her unethical attorney Jaye Rancourt and have her litigate an all out major war of a divorce.  Any attorney that purposely acts to escalate the divorce proceeding like Rancourt did and to take a man’s kids away from them in my opinion is the scum of the earth and equally responsible for inflicting parental alienation on their clients kids.

Now that the divorce proceeding is in progress comes the GAL.  By this time the web is so big and strong that an incompetent person like GAL Doug Thornton is just bound to get sucked right in.  If you don’t investigate the case properly and you have a biased person that makes poor decisions, his poor decisions will forever screw up your children’s minds. 

Now on the outer edges of this spider web of parental alienation comes a little gnat.  David Forrest the Marital Master.  Being an ignorant and biased person he is, he easily gets sucked into the web.  What he doesn’t know is this complex spider web of Parental Alienation started over a dozen years ago and long before this couple in front of him even had children.  Incompetent people like Forrest are only bound to have the wool pulled over their eyes.  They are incompetent to determine truth vs. lies. 

Be aware, the Parental Alienation campaign starts early.  Often it starts at the beginning of the relationship before you have children and you are so much in the middle you can’t see it. 

Parental Alienation continues to grow all throughout the relationship.  It starts with just the two of you and expands out into a complex spider web that eventually draws in a lot of people.  After a divorce you may have a whole community looking down at you because of the years of smear campaigning done by your partner. 

I wish I knew this information some twelve years ago before I had children.  I am not by any means stating that in every case where children are involved that Parental Alienation is involved.  There are a lot of wonder parents out there raising their kids and doing a great job raising them.  Some parents raise their kids while together and some parents while divorced.  It doesn’t mean that they all partake in Parental Alienation.  What I am telling you is that you should watch for the signs of Parental Alienation from the beginning of your relationship and long before you have children.  At the beginning of the relationship, if you see your partner going to friends and family trying to undermine you, there is a good chance that they will do the same with your children.  Be aware!